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If you don’t know one, you might be one. (Even if you know one, you might be one.)

Triflin’ Desi bitch: The girl that suddenly develops an interest in a man once he’s taken. “Oh, so how’s it going with Reena? Just good? She’s so lucky to have a guy like you. *siiiiiigh* Think this top is too low-cut? Teehee!” Bitch, I see you. Where were you when he was single for the past two years?

Duplicitous Desi bitch: The girl that all the girls hate but is a total magnet for male attention and adoration. This bitch will climb the girlfriend ladder, tossing friendships out the window, to attain the finest of male specimens. She will flirt shamelessly with your boyfriend. Maybe even steal him. She talks smack about her girlfriends and each ounce of saccharine sweetness is only to retain the appearance of having friends. These bitches usually congregate into cliques so they tend to feed off each others animosity and become even bigger bitches. Here’s the amazing part–she manages to turn off bitch mode when she talks to guys. She’s nothing but sweet and guys have no idea what bitchiness we’re talking about. Actually kind of impressive. How do you do it, duplicitous Desi bitch, HOW? But a better question is…why?

Crazy Desi bitch: The girl that was perfectly fine to be friends with until she got a boyfriend and went all psychobitch on him. And continued to be all psychobitchy after the break up. And doesn’t wait to regain sanity before starting a new relationship. She’s a mess and you don’t know what to do about it because your advice will not prevent her from hiding in her ex’s closet to make sure he hasn’t moved on yet. True story. Of course, that is a more extreme example, but you know what I mean. Her problems just make you weary because she’s not even trying to help herself and move on. She just wants to plot revenge or complain to you about how life just shat on her.

Vindictive Desi bitch: The girl that ruins lives. The girl that emails parents with incriminating pictures of their children. The girl that gets other girls transferred to other schools. Why? Because she’s a bitch. There’s nothing more to it. I don’t give a shit how you were slighted, you just don’t go there. Some Desi parents are perfectly capable of inducing a heart attack upon injury to pride–do you really want to be blamed for that? And don’t excuse yourself by thinking “they’d find out eventually”. You takeĀ  responsibility for that, vindictive Desi bitch.

Self-righteous Desi bitch: The girl that refrains from all and any activities that might be considered immoral or against one’s religion–haraam, adharmic, whatever–and thinks that grants her the privilege to trash talk anyone that’s not on her level. And no one is on her level. Because she’s in it to win it and doesn’t take threats to her presumed high moral status well. You say, “Oh man, Amber has really cleaned up her act in the past year! Good for her.” Her response? “Yeah, well, too bad she still hangs out with people that drink and party.” Seriously? We all grow up at different paces. Kudos to you for never running off course, but that doesn’t grant you authority to proclaim your purity and rub it in everyone’s faces because you think you reached the finish line. Newsflash: you’re a bitch. No one likes you or aspires to be like you. People often dislike the very idea of religion because they think being “religious” has come to mean being like you–mounting that high horse, being smug about your moral objectivity, and ignoring your hypocrisies. Open your eyes and grow up.

Note: I know that these types of bitches are not limited to the Desi variety. That being said, I have had the misfortune of meeting these bitches within the Desi population and the fortune of not meeting these bitches within the non-Desi population (except for the self-righteous bitches–plenty of those).